Growing up. And Happy birthday!!

So it's her 7th birthday which just makes my 18years feel old. I think back to when I was younger and my birthday was the biggest thing. I think of how I just wanted to grow up. And now, how I wish I was little. I think of no worries (which to be honest makes me think of Lion King and other Disney movies) I think of playing and of never planning my next day, never worrying that this or that cost to much. And honestly I wish that back. No decisions! Whos with me?!?! No?

 I feel like Peter Pan.
"I shall never grow up Wendy, Never!"   

But my Dad smiles as he says "So, what are you going to do?" And I remember that while he still guides me  (thank goodness!) I'm to the point where I need to make my own decisions, my own plans, my own way. 
I won't be alone, God, My parents, family they are all there for me. And while some hold on tighter, others let go...And theres that one who is pushing you telling you that you have to make your own decisions and decide what to do with your life and get married and so on and so on.... We don't really listen to them. 
And I talk about traveling and they ask where? Or when?  Or why not? 
This part is hard. Grownup, not grownup... Not really balanced... But to soon, I will be really grownup and not have my parents to make the final decision, only a suggestion. 

Not really looking forward to it, not really...  

But it does remind me to slow down and be thankful for everyday. Because life is fleeting. 

So Happy Birthday Eli! And I have something to tell you, since you wont understand this yet and you would interrupt me and ask a million questions while I said it, I'm going to write it here.
 Cherish the moment, the day. Don't grow up to fast, enjoy being little! Sing loudly, love boldly and never be afraid to do what you know is right! Because one day you'll be sitting in my place and sad that you wished away childhood.


Life is Fleeting~

  

Gods grace and a messy place.

The toys are everywhere, my room is a mess, the kitchen needs to be cleaned from breakfast and the school room table is overflowing. Thats just the inside. Outside the lawn needs to be mowed, the garage needs to be cleaned and the new addition needs to be painted. I'm going insane with all the things that need to be done along with the everyday stuff! Dishes,laundry,sweeping..The list goes on.
And yet. I'm not supposed to be going insane or getting upset. This is where God has me. This is where He wants me. I'm here for a purpose and it isn't to get upset with my siblings who won't listen or hide away in my room so I won't become frustrated with the mess around me. Because really, It isn't that messy. And I don't need to worry about it. I'm not saying that you should ignore a messy house and goof off. I'm saying... Don't let it consume you. Don't let it be the only thing on your mind. Because those little siblings are going to grow up, and those older siblings are going to move away. And cleaning a messy house and yard are not why God put you here.
Praise Him.
That is why you are here. To praise Him. To show Him, To share Him. To bless your family. To love your family. To make memories with your family.
And yet here I am upset because dishes aren't done. I'm a dreamer. I want to go places! I want to do big things! I want my family to be proud of me. But I'm stuck in this rut of clean,clean,clean,clean until thats all I do. I don't play instruments, I don't sit and paint, I don't write, I don't bake... I clean. And I'm done being there. I'm done with this rut.
When I think of my rut I think of this one time when I was mowing our yard. I was finishing the ditch which is a little steep, when I began to go straight up it for some reason. Anyway it wouldn't budge. I was pressing on the gas pedal but nothing happened and when I stopped pressing I rolled back down the ditch.

Thats what it's like sometimes. I'm pressing go but nothings happening.
Well, guess what?!?! I'm done on that mower. I'm going to get into a monster truck and get up this Mountain in my life. Alright enough with the vehicle analogy.. Sorry if I lost you there for a bit but, I'm serious though. I've never been so glad to realize what a Victim of Grace I really am.

This is my big opportunity.  It's time to change.

 

Hope Marie~

Lilacs and the smell of Rain.

They remind me to enjoy the small things in life! You know the saying, stop and smell the roses? Well in my case it's stop and smell the lilacs. I love small things... They fascinate me! I love to take pictures and videos of the small things in life. As the photographer of the family, at gatherings I'm expected to be behind the camera. But sometimes.... sometimes I'm not... Because...Well, have you ever seen *The secret life of Walter Mitty? A character in that movie says two things that I happen to  agree with one is:
 If I like a moment—I mean me, personally—I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.
 Thats me. So when you see me without my camera. I'm just there... Maybe it's because I just like the moment to much to have the distraction of my camera.

He said something else too... He said "Beautiful things don't ask for attention." And you know we pass by beautiful things everyday. Maybe we even complain about them... So next time your outside, or tripping over your stuff,
Stop and look around you, thank God for what He's blessed you with. Those beautiful things you pass by everyday.

                                                        (taken from pintrest)

Hope M.

*p.s I know the secret life of Walter Mitty has questionable words in it, so be cautious if you watch it.

The Future.

Not my favorite subject. But one that is always somehow involved in my conversations... Like all of them.
Graduation. Yep, Me. Graduating... And so now you get it! That age old question that every Graduate gets, " So now what are you going to do?" Those 6 words in italic I've come to hate. Time passes much to quickly, and yet when I was little I'd wish it away.
"What am I going to do with this life I've been given?"
 That question hunts me. And the truthful answer?

 I don't know.

I really don't! But one thing I do know, if I keep doing what I know God wants me to do...

Then I don't have to be afraid of the future.

A song....Or two!

I love music!

Once upon a time...

There was a girl who wasn't in a tower. She didn't have abnormally long hair. She didn't have a evil stepmom or stepsisters who hated her. She wasn't even royalty. She was just a girl. Actually a Stay-at-home Daughter.
And she was happy to be where she was learning life skills preparing for the future. Her future with Prince Charming and their 10 children! And their perfect house, Yada, Yada, Yada...
Do you ever get sick of hearing about girls who are preparing for their future with someone?


Well I don't didn't... But I have this friend who is pretty much amazing, and she challenged my worldview.
Really made me stop and question my life. My goals.

Have you ever had a friend do that? It's hard and annoying and so impossibly good for you.

Well I have been blessed with two of them! My best friend since forever, Emily! And our newest member in our little BFF club, Clara! They are both amazing and such encouragers! I don't know what I would do without them.

Anyway,
              So there I am sitting on my Best friends ( #1's) couch watching a game of Dutch Blitz, the noise of slapping, playful banter, laughter and little kids singing Frozen songs surround me, and my Best Friend #2 leans over and says "What are you going to do if you don't get married?" I'm pretty sure my mind stalled as I looked over at her expectant  face. "What?"  SOOO genius I know! And she looks at me and says "If it's not God's will for you to be married what do you want to do?" She gestures around the room " Or, I should say, what has God put a burden on your heart for?"

 Inwardly everything in my girl mind screamed, WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT GET MARRIED?
And outwardly I say " Probably find a crisis pregnancy center and volunteer there. I know I've never been through that... But I don't know, I've always wanted to do something like that."
And she nods.
She nods.
She took my world shook it up and she nods? She tells me what she would do too if she were never to marry and then looks away and says " But I really hope God has marriage in store for me."

 I nod.
 we both look away.
And we watch the end of the Dutch Blitz game and think our own thoughts and mine were...

I'm so silly. Preparing for a Husband instead of the Future.
Because maybe I'm not meant to get married. Maybe God has bigger things in mind for me. And maybe as much as I want and dream for marriage. Maybe it's not meant for me. After all God wants whats best for me, and He'll bring me to whats best for me if I follow Him. Live my life to please Him. Because Husband or no husband, I'll always have Jesus.

So I'll prepare for my future.

But.....

I really hope God has marriage in my future.